I've heard it said that you cannot fully understand or be grateful for the labor of your own mother until you, yourself, become one. I am sure this isn't universally true as there may be women who have chosen or fate has not allowed them to be mothers and still appreciate their own with great fervor. However, what I can say for sure, now four and a half years into my mothering journey, is just how much more, with each passing day, I appreciate mine. So this post is dedicated to you mom and to you Nona (my mom's mom) as you both deserve far more credit that I am sure this tribute will deliver for all things seen and unseen you have done and continue to do to serve your family.
Advice/ Wisdom gleaned from my mother over the years:
1) Sleep generally cures all things.
On any given day in my household you will, with almost certainty, hear me use this phrase, "You're tired. You need to sleep and then you'll feel better." So when Oliver says, "Mom, my head hurts." I say, "You need to sleep, and then you'll feel better." When Wesley says, "My tummy hurts." I say, "You need to sleep, and then you'll feel better." When Crosby cries, "He just needs to sleep, and then he'll feel better." This assumption that sleep is the ultimate cure all I undoubtedly inherited from my mother. Probably more important that this truth, and generally it is a truth as almost every ailment is, in fact, improved by sleep, is to face every impending crisis, or lack thereof, with a glass half full mentality. Those of you who know me well can hopefully attest that I am not easily flustered and from time to time, you may even need to check my pulse. Thanks Mom, for teaching me that, contrary to popular belief, it is always better to assume the best, to see the positive as best as you can in every circumstance, and to remember that even the most disheartening of situations an extra measure of sleep makes everything much better.
2) Make-up, who needs make-up?
A "friend" in junior high once said to me, "You would be so pretty, if you only wore make-up." I will go ahead and assume she meant it as a compliment, perhaps this whole assuming the best thing also causes me to live in ignorance. That is beside the point, though. I think one of the most treasured gifts you can give your children is to instill in them the belief they are beautiful inside and out. Of course, due to our culture's unhealthy obsession with external beauty, this is particularly critical for young girls but should not be ignored for boys either. Thanks Mom, because whether my hair was short or long, baby fat or no baby fat, lip stick or no lip stick, brand name clothes or no brand name clothes I believed I was beautiful because you believed I was beautiful.
3) A New Normal
As my Junior Prop was approaching I went to my mom and said, "I don't want to wear a "normal" prom dress." "Oh" she said, "What do you want to wear?" "Well" I responded, "I was thinking of a, well a skirt, with tight pants under it, and some kind of funky top. What do you think?" Now, let's pause for a brief moment. She could have easily told me I was off my rocker. She could have said, "I'm not sure that's the best idea, what will people think? Why don't you wear something more normal." And many moms would have said this, caring more about how a "different" out fit might reflect on them versus fostering and encouraging their daughters individuality. Not my Mom. She just went straight to work sewing me the coolest skirt pant combination you've ever seen. And I rocked that out fit and the Mariah Carey "esque" wig I wore (my hair was pretty short at the time). And together we created a "new normal." Thanks mom, for always being on my side, for always supporting me, for teaching me to re-define "normal."
4) Thinking Outside the Box
We moved from Canada the summer I turned ten. There are a few words that encompass that summer. The first is, "hot." I've never been so hot in my life. I took a cold shower at least once a day and still felt remarkably overheated. The other "tea." We stayed in the guesthouse as the men worked to re-tile the main house. As we were preparing to move in, once they were done, my mom remarked to me, "Don't you think the grout is too white. It doesn't look right does it?" I shrugged my shoulders, knowing little about proper grout colors. "Let's die it," she said, "using tea." "Okay," I said. These types of projects were a fairly normal occurence in my childhood. So we spent the next few days on our hands and knees, shuffling big pales filled with tea around the house, and applying it to the overly white grout giving it the "aged" look my Mom was going for. Thanks Mom, for teaching me to think outside the box, for showing me that problems can often be solved as long as you have a little patience and creativity to approach it with, and, on a more practical note, that a little tea goes a long way when trying to age grout or any other item for that matter.
5) Being the best Cheerleader
My Nona has shared with me a little about her mother, my Granny, who I, very unfortunately, do not remember. I catch glimpses of her when my Mom and Nona remind me to have "perseverance" a word which they deliver with extraordinarily thick Scottish accents. They have shared more with me about her, much of which I cannot recall at this particular moment, but anyone who speaks with a Scottish accent is inherently awesome, can I get an amen here? In her last days some of her many children were able to be with her including my Nona. She was in her late nineties when she passed. My Nona and her were very close and she has told me that one of greatest sadnesses in losing her mother was losing her greatest cheerleader. I can imagine that this is true as my mother is that for me. When I decided to quit tennis after years of lessons, tournaments, and summer camps and try out for volleyball she said, "Great! volleyball is a good choice." When I decided to chop all of my hair off she said, "Great! You're beautiful and you can wear your hair however you like." When I decided to try out for my very first play she said, "Great, your Nona is a speech teacher you'll do wonderfully." When I decided to try out pole vaulting for a few fleeting moments she said, "Interesting, but great." In college, when I decided to take up crew she said, "Great! You can do that too." It really doesn't matter what I choose to do, how wacky or weird, fun or fleeting, strange or sensational, and everything in between. She is on my side. Thanks Mom, for being my greatest cheerleader and for instilling in me the knowledge that I really can do anything as long as I put my mind to it.
No words can truly convey my gratitude to you for all you have done and continue to do in my life. Perhaps imitation is the greatest form of flattery. If I can impart just a few of the wisdoms mentioned above in my boys I will consider my mothering a great success. I love you Mom. Happy Mother's Day.
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